Some days are awesome. Like yesterday. We went to a fabulous gala. It was a wonderful evening with some fabulous friends. Even had some good laughs over the stupid things people say to cancer patients!
Today hit like a ton of bricks. Two years ago I thought we were near the end of this journey. He came home from the hospital two years ago today. Bocephus, the tumor was dead and gone. His lymph nodes were clear. He was Cancer Free. 27 lbs lighter and looking at chemo to be proactive, but by all intents and purposes, he was well! He was whole.
Today, we are two years in on a journey they say will last almost another two years if all goes well! He's not cancer free. Marvin K. Mooney has not left. He has treatment every other week and regulates side effects with medication, diet, sleep and best attempts at as stress free of a life as possible.
Today my fear has been in overdrive. My heart is aching for what Life with Cancer is like. My heart longs for what others have heard, "No Evidence of Disease." My head is screaming that it isn't fair! That no one should have to walk this journey. That it's not suppose to be this way.
Life with Cancer sucks. Life with Cancer is tough. Life with Cancer brings battles of emotional, mental, relational, spiritual, physical and financial to the forefront of your world. Life with Cancer exposes your weaknesses. Life with Cancer is not for the faint of heart.
Life with Cancer has brought an unimaginable amount of love to our marriage. Life with Cancer has brought more laughter and goofy moments than you would ever think possible. Life with Cancer has strengthened our marriage and also strengthened some friendships. Life with Cancer has also weeded out those bad relationships that are not needed.
Life with Cancer has brought true perspective on what is important and what items and who's opinion doesn't matter. Our walk with Christ, our family and our true friends matter in that order. After that comes all the rest. So while today Life with Cancer has been one of those rough days, I would not trade the benefits we have gained for a different journey. God has given us this Life with Cancer for a reason. And so despite how my heart is aching today, I choose joy that we are two years in on a journey that has brought us closer to God and closer to each other. Lord continue to use us as You see fit, Cancer or No Cancer. Just use us!
Mel
Thank you for your vulnerability and transparency. I can empathize having just come through a three year battle with Leukemia. God is faithful through it all and, like you, I wouldn’t trade the tough days. It was those days that I most felt God’s presence, and the intimacy I experienced with Christ during the darkest moments was worth every second of pain. I am currently in remission and can’t stop singing His praises. Even if He chooses to allow me to relapse, my faith is strong because of who He is and because His promises are true! I win either way! My prayers will be with you both through this journey. ~ Carmen Pate
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