Grateful

Recently I was at a luncheon where the President asked us to introduce ourselves and to share our word for 2020. Well, now I must admit, I hadn't picked one. So being the fourth person in the line and having just gotten the GREAT scan results 4 days prior, I quickly decided on Joy.

In the four days since then, one word keeps coming to mind. And while it may be a cousin of Joy, it's not Joy. So Sarah, I change my answer.

GRATEFUL

I choose to be grateful this year. And I am grateful I have so much to be grateful for.

We haven't shared a statistic with many people. In fact, very few, until recently! We never told the girls, because they never asked. And it was a scary stat. One that kept me up at night. One that made me re-evaluate so much. One that changed my life.

In April 2018 when Alan was diagnosed with metastatic recurrent colon cancer, we were told that the treatment he is on (Thank you God!) was the only real option. That while we could do other treatments they were not the best and did not give him the chances this one did.

That statistic was that without this treatment, with the conventional treatments, the ones our insurance approved of, the ones that we didn't have to fight for over 3 months to get, ONLY gave Alan a 7% chance of survival over the next 5 years. At the time we were told that, Rebekah was in 7th grade and Audrey in 4th.

Translation, the images that kept me up at night were that of sitting alone watching Rebekah graduate high school and then again at Audrey's graduation. The nightmares that came night after night were of there being no father-daughter dance at the girls' weddings. Nightmares of learning to live without him. Of the hole so deep in me that he would leave.

Not to mention the conversations we had to have. Conversations no 40 year old husband ever desires to have with his wife. Do we really have enough life insurance for him? Where will it leave the girls and I if the worst occurs? What life would look like as we walk this journey? Conversations I wouldn't wish on anyone. Conversations that hurt so deep.

But God stepped in. God paved the way and the treatment option became a reality. July 6, 2018 is a day I will never forget. It was a day I had a glimmer of hope for the first time in months. Now this treatment was his only option in the doctors' minds because with it his 5 year survival rate shot up to 55% from 7%. Amazing difference, right?

Well just getting on this treatment protocol alone was enough to keep me grateful for years. It gave him a chance, a REAL fighting chance. And now here we sit just under 2 years later, and 1 tumor is essentially gone and the other two are on the run! Praying that when the 5 year hits, we will be hearing the words No Evidence of Disease!

Every day for the last four days I have caught myself saying how grateful I am. Randomly looking at Alan, my breath caught in my throat, grateful.

So my word for 2020 is GRATEFUL!