Praise and Prayer Requests

PRAISE! On Monday our worst fears were put at ease when the PET Scan results didn't show any additional spread. Waiting through the weekend was torture on our emotions and the mind games Satan tried to play. 

Since Monday we've been "not so" patiently waiting for the next thing to be scheduled. This evening we got the scheduling notice for his biopsy of Mooney for Tuesday, Election Day! It's so nice to have it on the calendar. 

Now for our specific prayer requests.

• Pray for clear biopsy results - mucinous tumors can be challenging to get good and accurate samples with needle biopsies. We ask that the samples will be very clear and accurate!
• Pray for the biopsy itself to go well. This tumor is challenging to get to and a biopsy in the past had some pretty negative consequences! We are a little nervous about biopsies!
• Pray for a clear treatment plan and path towards complete healing. Grant his doctor wisdom. And grant us peace with the plan. 
• Pray for our family as we all process in our own way. Specifically for unity and grace with each other. 

Tears flow like rain

So far I've only peopled to vote... it's been all I can manage. I have worked some, but mainly I've just been with our little four family. I've talked to family now and a few close friends - again all I can manage. I grow weary of the conversations - of not having answers or a plan, of them trying to make me feel better, or feeling like I am having to console them. Texts are better because I can pop off a quick thanks without having to engage really. 

Don't get me wrong. We appreciate everyone's love and kindness. Thursday night the girls were really struggling with people and the comments or the lack of comments. We had the challenging conversation about people not knowing how to handle us. They love us, they want to help, comfort, be there, but truthfully most have no clue how to do that. And so they say the "wrong things" or they say nothing at all because of fear of saying the "wrong thing" - it was a great conversation about us giving grace to each other and to those that love us. So pray for them as the girls are massively peopling at DNow this weekend. Pray for grace from the people they encounter, pray for them to have grace for the people they encounter, and pray for their hearts to find incredible comfort from their Heavenly Father this weekend.

I, on the other hand, am avoiding still peopling. Tomorrow, we will attend church and then we will see what Monday brings - what news of results we get and scheduling of tests. Alan is Alan. He's struggling in his way that most don't see, but he is his normal "Mr. Happy Face" self. He hasn't avoided much, because being the patient, he wants everything to be as normal as possible. I get that. 

With the past Battles, the tears flowed like rain whenever I was alone. But this time it's different. I cried when we first were told the news, like rain pouring down my face tears were streaming uncontrollably. But since then I have barely cried. I think I'm in total management mode. I am trying to make sure everyone else's needs are getting met. Trying to take care of what needs to be taken care of and refusing to allow myself to feel. I know the weight of it all will eventually come crashing down on me. But right now I refuse to allow it. I am intentionally holding it at bay, like if I don't feel, it won't be real. 

I'm not ready for another Battle. Yet here we are. So I rise to met the challenge and to take care of my people. 

I'm not ready to feel the fear, the crippling fear that is knocking at my door again. So I refuse to answer the door and just stay numb for a little longer. 

We were good, damn it! He was good, damn it! The girls were processing, feeling and growing past the fear, damn it! Life had resumed normal, damn it! 

Once we have all the testing done, once we have a plan, maybe then I will allow myself to feel the weight of it again. But right now I will not let the tears flow like rain. I'm not ready. I will fight whatever Battles we have to fight God, knowing You go before us. But I'm not ready to fully feel the weight of this again. 

- Melanie

The other shoe...

When cancer enters into your life, your focus, vision, goals, perspective, EVERYTHING changes. 5 years and 18 days ago (January 30, 2017) was that moment. At 38, 36, 11 and 8, our world was turned upside down. 

Then we were good until April 4, 2018 - Rebekah's 13th Birthday. Cancer Round 2 began. Those of you that have followed us and our story, you know what we have walked through, if not, please feel free to read previous posts. I don't want to bore everyone with the recap here. 

On October 6, 2021, I retired Round 2's hat - as Mooney had been stable for so long now and Marvin and K were imperceptible. 

Well today the other shoe dropped! After 4 months and 10 days of joy at Battle 2 being done, the scan showed significant growth. The tumor's area has more that doubled. 

We are blindsided by this news. We have been making plans further out than Scan-to-Scan which had been our life for so long now. We have been so full of life and hope that going into this scan NONE of us even considered that Mooney would be anything other than stable. But alas it is not as we expected. 

How often is life actually as we expect? So we walk into the next Battle armed with love, life, hope and faith. Battle 3 began this morning with shock, tears, cursing, and renewed fear in each of us that we don't wish on ANYONE else. But then Battle 3 met Our Faith, as Alan and I clung to each other and prayed through the tears and the fears. 

As I told each of our daughters this afternoon, more tears fell but also renewed conviction that God is guiding us. Later as the four of us discussed, we all strongly came together and discussed how God has each of us in a better place to support each other through this than in the previous two battles.

I'll update more in the coming days but for now we desire your prayers for healing, wisdom with decisions, unity and patience with each other, and most importantly His Glory to show through us. 

- Melanie

“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.”

‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭10:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬