When words fail

 "When words fail" keeps coming to my mind over and over again. All day yesterday, which was hard on its own and then all day today. When words fail, the tears speak. When words fail, laughter heals. When words fail, my heart sings out to my Lord. When words fail, the silence can both comfort and suffocate. When words fail, God hears what I can't say. 

Today was a bittersweet day. MDA Date Days have become so rare, I had forgotten how much fun we have and how much he makes everyone around us laugh and smile.  MD Anderson is truly a place where angels work, but it is a place filled with somber faces that are praying for their miracle. Then Alan walks in. With his big ol' grin and his jokes, and before you know it the people around us are all smiling too. I love the time with my kind, joyous husband. 

Before I go on, please join me in praying for Judy. She has been a patient of MDA since 2015 and recently found a new mass on her pancreas. They are from the Louisiana border around the gulf and are staying in their RV nearby. I enjoyed getting to speak with Judy and her husband while Alan got some more lab work done. So many of us are waging our different battles against the same evil, we love to be able to lift up another family.

Alright so here is the news of the day! Three weeks from CT Results to today, and we have confirmation. Mooney is growing because the cancer is definitely back. Pathology of Mooney showed that his mucinous adenocarcinoma of the colon is back in this metastatic tumor that just refuses to go away. 

So to the plan. We've had all this time to sit and ponder what's going to happen. We assumed they'd put him back on his previous treatment. And they are. He will go back on nivolumab every two weeks starting this Friday! Dr. Dude ain't playin'! That was the easy part. 

The hard part were the questions that followed. We, being who we are professionally, starting asking about the data. How many people have had this occur? What stats do you have on how they do going back on treatment? Are the side effects increased when doing it again? How long will he do treatment? Etc, etc, etc. 

And the answers were all pretty much, "we don't know." There is no data on this. Alan continues to be a super rare unicorn! The doctor said he should have more data for us at his next CT in 3 months. He's trying to coordinate info with a researcher in Dallas doing a study on this. He "thinks" they have about 70 people in the state in the study and of that 15-20% have had a recurrence after the ipilumamab/nivolumab treatment. So, Alan is probably 1 of 10-15 people. We are in winging it territory, people! The unicorn is becoming a Guinea pig once again! The doctor is optimistic Alan will do well on treatment, since he did before!

Dr. Dude, the PA, Alan and I all agreed that he has now proven that his CEA Blood marker means nothing and  his PET Scans mean nothing. Therefore in attempt to find another way of knowing something is going astray, besides just through his CT Scans, they had him do a special set of blood work to look for any other tumor markers. We are interested in what that comes back with.

The super rare unicorn will once again have Mighty Mouse running through his veins starting this Friday. While we wait on God to reveal His healing, we treat the dickens outta it and we hold strong to each other and our faith. We will cling to The Lord knowing His wonderful healing will come!

- Melanie

“Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord, who have no confidence in the proud or in those who worship idols. O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭40:4-5‬ ‭NLT‬‬