Official Plan

It only took a week but we have the official plan! We even have trial consent forms to sign!

So here are the details.

Radiation starts Monday and will run through Friday, daily down in the Med Center! Dr. Ludmir (radiation oncologist) struck us as a real life version of Phineas from Phineas and Ferb. He had a mad scientist vibe to him. We could tell instantly that Dr. Morris and he were good friends. 

When Dr. Dude (Morris) had mentioned radiation first then surgery, we were confused as radiation was not suppose to be helpful with Alan's type of cancer, nor had it ever been presented as an option before now. Dr. Phineas (Ludmir) spent time explaining fully that radiation is not to shrink the tumor but really to "give it a shave," as Alan rephrased back to him. The 5 day short course radiation will clean up the edges and hopefully make the margins cleaner and easier for Dr. You in the tumors' extraction. He also explained all the potential side effects and time line of their presentation. We are trying not to focus on the chances of the negatives but on the awesome positives that this plan could give us. 

During the week Alan will also go through some additional testing that Dr. You (Colorectal Surgeon) wants in order to have a clearer picture for surgery. This testing includes a MRI, PET Scan, and another colonoscopy. I won't bore you with all the reasons why on the testing, so we are currently waiting on all that to be scheduled. Also, she said we will have a consult with the Peritoneal Surgeon next week. And Covid Testing is scheduled for Saturday Oct 15th, so stay the heck away if you have any slight symptoms!! He needs this surgery with no delays. 

Surgery will be the morning of Monday, Oct 17th. Dr. You is lead with the peritoneal and urology surgeons assisting as necessary. We met with Dr. You for the 4th time since his first recurrence in 2018. We both really like her. She's kinda got a big sister vibe to the three doctor team we have right now. You can tell she likes and respects Dr. Morris and Dr. Ludmir but that she also views them kinda how we do!

She spent a good while with us, explaining the need for all the testing, the surgery, the potential side effects/risks of the surgery, the likelihood of small peritoneal tumors and need for both the urologist and peritoneal doctors. We feel confident in her abilities and in the likely results of the surgery. 

Alan could be inpatient at MDA Med Center for 1-2 weeks and we won't know more until post surgery! And MDA is allowing 1 caregiver, plus only 1 adult visitor per day! Yikes!

So here are the prayer needs:

• Radiation side effects are minimal. 
• Uncomplicated scheduling of additional testing and consults next week. 
• Surgeon hands are steady and precise. 
• Complete removal of all cancer. 
• Minimal side effects from surgery. 
• Ease of resection. 
• UIL Region to go well for girls on 10/18.
• Homecoming week to go smooth for girls without being able to visit their dad after such a major surgery. 
• Details surrounding my back and forth from the Med Center to home. 
• Details surrounding all of the normal work and home stuff for both Alan and I, as Bandtober is usually chaotic enough!
• No guilt for me when I am not at one or the other place. 
• No guilt for Alan with not being at things while he recovers. 
• Better than anticipated healing.
• Emotions surrounding the "throw everything, including the kitchen sink at it" approach. 
• And everything I can't even begin to think of yet. 

Our hearts are heavy, not going to lie. The reality of the MASSIVE nature of this surgery, recovery, and odds has hit pretty hard in the last week. None of us still have processed fully through all that! We may not until it's all over. BUT our hopes are high as our hope is in God, as this is the plan He has laid before us. He is the author and creator of life. He is not surprised by the last year. NONE of it has caught Him off guard. We know He is working all things together for good, even when we can't see it. So we walk by faith and trust in Him to heal Alan. The road may be hard, but it's easier because we don't walk alone. 

- Mel

Bad Scans, But Still Hope

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord."

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭31:24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

When we have faith in the Lord, we always have hope. Because our God doesn't need even 2% odds to make something happen. He's God! So grateful we are His and He is ours!

The scan results weren't what we wanted. At all. Does that mean God didn't hear our prayers or your prayers on our behalf? NO! He heard. And He answered. He showed us a brand spanking new potential path. He was faithful even when we don't like the answer. 

So to the technical stuff so many of you have asked. Sorry I ignored you. We needed to speak with our girls first. 

The two tumors are still growing at the same rate they have been since we found them in February. His scan on 2/15 and his scan on 9/15 both showed between 1-2 mm of growth per month! So while both nivolumab alone and nivo with ipilimumab have utterly FLUNKED, the blessing is that the tumors are still steady growth! They aren't speeding up. Praise!

Next steps: Dr. Dude (Morris) will discuss Alan's case with the tumor board or Brain Trust as Alan calls it. He will call us the next day to discuss their thoughts on our tentative plan - surgery to remove the damn things. 

And then post surgery, there's a super-scientific, nerdy, brand spanking new option that wasn't even an option a month ago. A phase 1 clinical trial for a personalized therapeutic vaccine that is given in combination with immunotherapy to treat the remaining cancer cells. MDA is the only place with this trial! They would take his tumor from the surgery and use it to tailor make a vaccine for him. This isn't like a flu vaccine that is "designed to help you avoid getting the flu," so it doesn't keep you from getting cancer but targets to kill the cancer in your body. Now, that's some cool science stuff right there!

So prayer needs: 

1. The Brain Trust and appropriate surgeons approve him for surgery. 
2. The tumors stay slow growing while we wait on surgery and treatment. 
3. Surgery scheduling is perfectly anointed in timing, as we head into Band-tober for the girls!
4. Recovery from this surgery is suppose to be difficult. For an easier than anticipated recovery. 
5. Acceptance into the trial. 
6. Positive outlooks for us all. 
7. Audrey's heart is really hurting, but she has some big walls up. Pray for them to come tumbling down. 
8. Rebekah's heart is really hurting as she processes all of this in light of her senior year. 
9. Alan - complete healing, for his fear, and for his desire to protect us. 
10. Melanie - peace

Ever since Boston Legal was our show, we have joked that Alan is "Buzz," like Alan and Denny called Brad on the show. Well at MDA, Alan is the second person with his circumstances. The first had surgery a couple of months ago! So he kinda feels like Buzz Aldrin!

Literally no data could predict side effects or effectiveness. Back to the complete unknown.  

Yesterday was a horrible day. We are all scared - like down to the bone - scared. Because even though OUR HOPE is built on Christ, the Solid Rock, this isn't good or trending the way we want it. Surgery was laid out in July as an option to "buy time" until another potential treatment came along. Well, Great news! God was ahead of the curve ball and already provided another potential treatment. 

You see God is always good, even when the situation isn't. His will is perfect even when I don't understand it or HECK, even like it. I want His will to match mine. But I'm not God! I trust in Him always. I've walked without Him and that's when I screw up. 

So for now, we pray and wait... one of which I am really bad at! The first one makes me better at the latter.

Lord, God, heal my husband through the new plan and treatment you have given us. And let us draw nearer to you so we love the way you want us to love these next few months.

-Melanie 

Here is a song I haven't been able to sing in a while, but my worship pastor keeps using in service. Blake knows that despite the pain of the words, they still wash over me and I agree with them, just waiting. He is always faithful and we will lean deeper into Him when we don't understand things. 

Firm Foundation

Christ is my firm foundation

The rock on which I stand

When everything around me is shaken

I've never been more glad

That I put my faith in Jesus

'Cause He's never let me down

He's faithful through generations

So why would He fail now?

He won't

No, He won't, no, He won't

No, He won't

He won't, He won't, He won't, He won't

I've still got joy in chaos

I've got peace that makes no sense

I won't be going under

I'm not held by my own strength

'Cause I've built my life on Jesus

He's never let me down

He's faithful through every season

So why would He fail now? (Shout it out)

He won't

He won't

He won't fail

He won't fail

He won't

He won't (no, no, no, no, He won't fail)

He won't fail

He won't fail

Christ is my firm foundation (let's go) (testify)

The rock on which I stand

When everything around me is shaken (I've never been more)

I've never been more glad

That I put my faith in Jesus (yeah)

'Cause He's never let me down (He's faithful)

He's faithful through generations (so why)

So why would He fail now? (I need you to shout it out) (come on)

He won't

Sing it out, sing

He won't

No, He won't, no, He won't

He won't fail

He won't fail (He won't)

He won't (yeah)

He won't (I've never seen Him fail, no)

He won't fail

He won't fail

I have a testimony

I have a story to sing

This is my story, this is my song

I have a testimony

Can I sing my testimony?

Rain came, wind blew

But my house was built on You

I'm safe with You

I'm gonna make it through (I feel somebody's faith rising)

Rain came, wind blew

But my house was built on You (this is the reason you made it, 'cause)

I'm safe with You

I'm gonna make it through (one more time, oh, rain came)

Rain came, wind blew

My house was built on You (this is the reason I'm standing)

I'm safe with You

I'm gonna make it through (I'm gonna make it)

Yeah, I'm gonna make it through ('cause I'm standing)

'Cause I'm standing strong on You (I'm gonna make it)

Yeah, I'm gonna make it through (my house is built on)

'Cause my house is built on You (one more time, y'all, sing)

Christ is my firm foundation (yeah)

The rock on which I stand

When everything around me is shaken (oh)

I've never been more glad (sing it out)

That I put my faith in Jesus (He's never let me down)

'Cause He's never let me down (He's faithful)

He's faithful through generations

So why would He fail now?

He won't

He won't

He won't fail

He won't fail

He won't

He won't

He won't fail

He won't fail

Never seen the righteous forsaken

And He won't start now

Never seen the righteous forsaken

And He won't start now

Rain came, wind blew

My house was built on You (this is how I made it)

I'm safe with You

I'm gonna make it through (I'll make it)

Rain came, wind blew (they tried to knock me out, they tried to shake me up)

My house was built on You (but my house was built on You)

I'm safe with You

I'm gonna make it through (I'm gonna make it)

I'm gonna make it through (I'm standing strong on you)

'Cause I'm standing strong on you (I'm gonna make it through)

I'm gonna make it through ('Cause my house is built on You)

'Cause my house is built on You (yes, you're gonna make it)

I'm gonna make it through ('cause I'm standing strong)

'Cause I'm standing strong on You (I'm gonna make it)

I'm gonna make it through

'Cause my house is built on You

https://youtu.be/x9ndiD0_qNk

Close Beside Me

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley,

I will not be afraid,

For you are close beside me.

Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.”

-Psalms 23:4 NLT

You, Holy Father, stick “close beside me.” Nothing else could explain my life today.

Listen up, folks. The quiet confidence you’ll see in me is within your grasp, if you’re humble.

Medically, I’m down to a last stand. Two paths this could go – this last cancer treatment works, or else. 

Never before has Satan come at me with so much fear. 

Fear temps you to walk the wrong road. To puff yourself up with pride, acting 10-foot tall and bulletproof. To lash out at the slightest (perceived) offense. To push people away. Then in solitude, to soak yourself in daydreams of an ugly end. Finally, you “pull” yourself out of it with another, stronger dose of pride. All to start the cycle over again.

Yes, I have my moments where fear wins. But over the years, I’ve gotten to know the God who’s close beside me. And he’s closer now than ever. 

Who is this God – the One who breaks fear and brings peace? He’s exactly who Scripture says He is. 

God’s son, Jesus Christ, warned His disciples like us to expect tough times. The night before Christ went to die on the cross, he taught:

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.

-John 16:33b NLT

Christ gave it to us straight up. Life can bring the fear and pain. Despite that, Christ stokes us up to “take heart” in a savior who has already “overcome” the world. 

Christ ain’t sweatin’ the broken world; and neither should we. He’s already won. Christ knew, like King David knew, that God the Father’s love for His flock runs fierce. 

King David sang in Psalms 18 about a dire moment when “the grave wrapped its ropes” around him. He cried out to God, and his prayer “reached [God’s] ears.” Then it hit the fan. The “earth quaked and trembled,” shaking the mountains down to their “foundations.” God split the heavens and “came down” spoiling for a fight. 

The Lord “thundered from heaven.” War cry raised, God’s mighty voice “resounded amid the hail and burning coals.” One blast of God’s breath, and the “bottom of the sea could be seen” and the “foundations of the earth were laid bare.”

Holy Lord, split the heavens now. Come down and save me and my family from this pain. I know that, one way or the other, You will deliver.

My faith holds firm for one reason alone – I’ve built my life on Christ’s teachings. 

Christ promised that same steadfast faith and calm stability to everyone who’ll listen. At the end of his very first sermon, Christ taught from the mountainside:

Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on a solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against the house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 

-Matthew 7:24-25 NLT

Build your life on Christ’s teachings, build on bedrock. Floodwaters and winds will come, no doubt. But you’ll hold firm.

You’d fully expect to see me crumble. Depression, hopelessness, anxiety, suicide, broken relationships and marriages – all are associated with a long-running fight against cancer. 

Not my journey. Although I should crumble, I’ve seen God come through over-and-over again when I’m following His will. From launching a law firm without any clients, to my wife’s long-shot political campaigns, to mission trips led by kids, I’ve had a front row seat to some miracles. 

Every time, God did the impossible.

I’ve spent countless hours in God’s word, countless more in prayer. I’ve had the joy of watching scores of kids grow in their faith. I’ve loved on my own family. My life sits on bedrock, so keep an eye on what God does this time.

Don’t mistake Christ’s teachings for just another moral code. Christ taught that he was the only way to live forever with a good and holy God:

For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.

-John 3:16 NLT

Christ’s death and resurrection alone make up for my sin. Paul cut to it:

You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He cancelled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way he disarmed the spiritual rules and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross.

-Colossians 2:13-15 NLT

Every word of God’s promises has rang true in my life. I can tell you. Put me under a microscope and study me, you’ll see.

Then put God to the test. Trust in Christ alone to save you from the consequences of your sin. 

Build your life on God’s Word. The floods and winds will come, but your house will stand strong.

Locked Against The Flood,

-Alan