My Heart's Prayers

How? How has my life changed so much in the last two years?

It would be super easy to focus on the negative ways it has changed. Ya know like 20+ trips to MDA in the last 13 weeks or 2 hospital stays for my husband in the month of May. But that's not productive. That's not helpful. In fact to focus on the negative effects of cancer just keeps us down and negative. 

So let me show you the positive changes in the last two years in our lives. I would love to hear how you have been positively impacted. 

Alan - This husband of mine truly came to faith and a real understanding of what it means in his early 20s before we got married. For the last 10 years or so, his walk has continually been growing closer and closer to Christ. Since the big C entered our lives, I can honestly say I have seen an even greater shift. Alan has true joy that nothing can take away. He is so outwardly focused that sometimes I have to reign him back in to focus on himself and the best for his health. 

Alan boldly prays with other caregivers and patients we come across. On Thursday, he ran into Roy, the old security guard from his building. Roy has worked at MDA for 6 years now, yet they both recognized each other immediately, caught up, and then Alan prayed with Roy. Yesterday, Alan was speaking with a patient's boyfriend who was having a hard time with his girlfriend's parents. When someone from the financial office came to speak with us, he joined the conversation late because he was busy praying with this man. Alan says hi with a smile on his face and introduces himself to everyone. That isn't anything special, but it is the joy of the Lord overflowing in my husband. We all may tease Alan about always smiling and being able to talk to a wall, but those are blessing other people as he receives bad news and receives treatment. My heart's prayer for Alan besides the obvious of healing, is that he will continue to be used and bless others throughout his life. I wish everyone in the world could fully see the amazing man the Lord blessed me with!

Rebekah - I have seen my now 13 year old blossom into a confident, sure of who she is in the Lord young lady. She has branched out so much in the last two years. As a family, we have talked a lot about seizing the opportunities the Lord puts in front of you these last few years. We don't know what lies ahead, no one does. So we have challenged the girls not to let fear hold them back from anything as we are focused on living with no regrets. Rebekah has taken that challenge to the fullest with sharing her faith, Color Guard, Band and then Theatre this year and as recently as this week with the zip line at camp. She jokes that she is a super dork, because that's what you get when you combine two dorks (I still argue that he is the only dork between the two of us!). Over our week away, bonding stronger as a family, the girls decided that since Alan is a unicorn and supposedly I am a monkey, Rebekah is a unimonkey and Audrey is a cornkey...

I'm proud of the young lady she is becoming. Similar to Alan, she is rarely seen without a smile and can talk to anyone. Unfortunately, at this age, they all struggle with finding who they are and friendships struggle during this time. She is learning that some friendships are deeper rooted than others and that's ok. My heart's prayer for Rebekah is that she continues to grow closer to Him and into the woman God wants her to be, without fear of the unknown we are facing. 

Audrey - Oh my strong-willed child, how I love you and love that about you, even when it rallies up against me. Her strength has been a Godsend these last two years, from a dyslexia diagnosis to bravely discussing her fears about Alan's cancer. This last 3 months I have seen so much growth in her with dealing with negative friendships. She is finding her way. These next few years will be interesting as she grows into who she really is and not who she thinks she should be. It's a tough thing to navigate under the most normal of circumstances.

Her sensitive heart with a tough exterior makes it harder for people to see the real Audrey. I am particularly grateful for one friend that has come along. He sees past the tough because of his own sensitivity. I pray this friendship continues to develop. My heart's prayer for Audrey is that come what may her sensitive, giving, loving spirit doesn't get squashed, but grows through the challenges of Intermediate and Junior High and through the big C. Her heart is so huge, but she is guarded. I pray she gains in discernment in who to trust.

Our family - Some of them have really been shaken by this journey and then even more by the second round. I think we all see the value of each other more and may see each other's role more accurately. Being two children of divorce, navigating that is always a challenge at holidays/birthdays/etc. but the last two years have decreased the challenges. My heart's prayer for our family is that those struggling in their faith or not walking closely with the Lord will see Him through us and that it will draw them to Him and deepen their relationship. 

Our friends - Our closest friends are those we do life with. So our church is and has been our greatest source of day to day support. Whether dinners, taking care of the girls on appointment days, texting us that they are praying, listening to me, the people God has placed in our life as friends from church, business, organizations, etc. have been incredible walking this path with us. My heart's prayer is that they are blessed as much as they have blessed us. 

Our teams - Both the Bush Law and BBK Teams have been incredible. They have picked up the slack and been there for us in ways no one else could. My partner, Barry, has been a constant source of encouragement to both of us, sharing support, ideas and prayers. Being a survivor, his advice with MDA has been invaluable. My heart's prayer is that each of these people will know how much we appreciate them and that they will be blessed just as much as hey have blessed us. 

And me - I have seen more ways the Lord has used my past experiences (not always the best!) and used them to bless either me or others now. These last two years have had me questioning the Lord on how, why, and even what the heck! My Lord has got us. My cousin who lost her love to cancer a couple of years ago had helped me to learn from her experience. That's where our no regrets focus has come from. And I am sure even with that there will still be things I regret. 

Right now my heart's prayer is that as God continues to carry us through this, that I continue to rely solely on Him. 

As I said in a speech on the night Alan was diagnosed, "life is not about walking alone through any curve ball thrown at us. This life is meant for us to come alongside each other and help and support one another. Being a team." It takes God, Family, Friends, and Our Work Teams to get us through to a win. And the win may be a daily or hourly win over our minds or the ultimate win over cancer. Wins come when we focus on Him and focus on finding the joy in the small things.