Progress and Regress

Today at MD Anderson was a good day. Spoke with his patient advocate about a few issues (night nurse and clergy visits) and it was super productive.

Alan continues to make progress. But considering what his body has been through any steps forward are progress. He is obviously not getting better overnight. And I think he's accepted that. 

Hell was his descriptive word of choice for how he is today. And I can think of no better description. His body has been cut into pieces on the inside, put back together (kinda) and then scraped, scalded with hot chemo and shook for 90 min while they tried to get the chemo to go everywhere. Then he was stitched back up. 

His body is obviously distressed. His fatigue is insane! You try having chemo inside your abdomen! His drive is intact, but while his spirit says go, go, go, sometimes it is all he can do to grunt. His body, mind and spirit are not currently in sync.

I don't know that I have the fortitude to do this procedure. My husband is BAD ASS! Sorry but that he is willing to try this Hail Mary play to live longer to be here with the girls and I is like Next Level Warrior! He is stronger than all y'all! No offense!

Today his goal from the team was 3-5 times walking. He had walked 5 times when I left for a total of 7 laps. He planned to walk once more after I left for 2 more laps to "beat yesterday." So I will let you know in the morning if he met his personal goal!

He also had a couple of new or advancing side effects! His swelling has continued to increase, but this will hopefully subside some in the coming days but could be a problem for several weeks. Chemo sucks! Also, he has developed a couple of blisters that we are watching and trying to treat with care to avoid having bedsores develop. It's not like the boy can stand around all day, YET!

Praise, our nurse, Matthew, was an incredible help to Alan and I.  Having a male nurse to help a male patient with things he doesn't really even want his wife's help with was AWESOME. Matthew truly lived up to his name (gift of God) with his assistance, encouragement and conversations. Plus I loved his Jehovah Rapha and Philippines 4:4-6 tattoos!

Wednesday and Today I have been getting out of the house before or as the girls leave and getting home around 8:30 to 8:45. Tuesday and yesterday I crashed pretty hard and very fast. Tonight, the girls waited to eat with me, but sadly things did not go well. Fear mixed with stress of Homecoming Week has one daughter really struggling. And the other daughter struggling not to co-parent. This is 6 years of tough crap. And that's a lot for me to deal with. Now try being a TEENAGE girl! Yeah... this is not for the faint of heart as a kid or as a parent of a kid. 

There are scars from the last six years that I didn't reference in my I Hate Cancer post from last night. The things I could write about the impacts this has had on each girl could fill more blog posts than anyone would read! 17 and 14 is tough, period. 12th and 9th grades are tough, period. Dealing with cancer since 8 and 11 is tough, period. Add all that together and again I'll use Alan's word for today, it's Hell.

So tonight I covet your prayers. I am not going to give a list because it would take too long to get it all! So my cliff notes version: that we have Matthew again tomorrow, Audrey, Rebekah, Alan, Me. 

Thanks again for walking through the realness with us! I'm grateful that we have HOPE in Christ or else I don't know why any one of us would choose to still battle on. 

- Mel