Priority 1 - Alan's health. That means if MDA sets an appointment with less than 24 hours notice everything gets dropped. Meal planning and Whole30 must happen in order to assist in limiting the side effects when he gets in treatment. So far this week has gone well! But we are just starting Day 6. As Alan says, "I can do anything for 30 days."
Priority 2 - Time with each other. It's perfectly acceptable right now for us to hole our little four family off and place an extremely high priority on us time. And I am sorry if we reject certain invitations or don't invite people along as much as we have in the past. And I am sorry if by doing so it hurts your feelings.
But as my dad has told me multiple times, "It's about you, Alan and the girls. The rest of us just have to deal." And he's right. Sometimes that is hard on Alan and I to remember because we are social people. And we love our extended family very much. But right now and for the foreseeable future, our priority is on our nuclear family. Taking care of each other's emotional and spiritual needs are of the utmost importance. So if a girl is having a rough time, I may cancel something with virtually no notice.
Again this is where grace steps in. God has made clear our priorities as husband/wife and as parents. Those two relationships come right after our relationship with Jesus.
Priority 3 - Work. All the while, living requires money. So Alan is still keeping up a thriving law practice. I am continuing to slowly transition out of my business and prepare to step into my new role on Jan 1.
For me, work priorities include my school board commitments, and since I am elected by the people, I am bound to do that fully. Does that mean I have missed more of the optional end of the year items this year; yes. But I have not missed a board meeting and have worked our schedules to where I should not.
This area is where being a multi-tasking, highly scheduled individual comes in very handy. It is also where smart phones are your friend. I remember Debbie Sukin, a woman I highly respect, saying on a panel once that her phone is a great tool. That she can be 100% wife, mother, CEO of a hospital, board member etc because she can be sitting at a school function and the hospital can still reach her in an emergency. I took that comment to heart. I can be 100% all of my hats I wear, just not all at the same time. I only have one head for a hat to sit on. So pre-planning, organization, my iPhone, and a computer with WiFi, are some of the best tools at my disposal to ensure these priorities are met.
Beyond these three things, if we want to do it or it is deemed massively important by us, then we will. But everything is running through that filter. Which means I have had to learn more about giving myself grace.
As a Type A individual with high expectations of myself, giving grace to myself has been a learning process over my life. Early on in life, giving grace to others when they didn't meet my expectations was a lesson to be learned. Just ask some of my buddies from high school! They know, I was Momma Mel and wanted things my way.
At the end of my senior year, when tragedy befell my family and we lost my great-aunt at 57, I quickly learned that life wasn't going to meet my expectations. I rebelled against God. I was so mad at Him for not doing what I wanted that it shook my faith. I spent two years hearing Him say go left, and I went right. I learned during this time that people will fail your expectations all the time! They are human; fallible, sinful, prideful humans.
God was gracious during these two years and protected me despite my anger at Him. He used this time to build in me a much deeper faith and trust in Him when I returned. He used a medical issue in my own life - the potential to not have kids - to draw me back. I realized I had no control over circumstances in my life. I could choose to follow Him, to trust Him, and to have faith in Him Alone, or I could continue to "succeed" by worldly standards and be miserable inside.
Just shy of 6 months after God rocked my world, he brought Alan into it. God allows curve balls in our lives, like the death of Wanda, my medical condition, and even cancer, to glorify Him. He uses these bad things to show His grace, His mercy and His love for us. I'm not going to lie to you and say curve balls don't hurt when they hit you. But I will tell you what I learned from the death of my great-aunt.
Glorifying God through the crappy parts of life is what gives you true joy when the circumstances suck. I chose to be unaccepting of His plan, I chose to walk away from Him during those two years, I chose to not trust that He had a greater plan and would use those crappy circumstances to do something greater. Not again. I learned that leaning on God through my hurt and disappointment is a far greater joy than the depression of wallowing in circumstances. I choose to look for the joy. I choose to hold strong in my faith. I choose to trust He is good and will carry us through every situation, if we rely on Him.
Choosing Him regardless of anything else has granted me the ability to give myself and others grace. I don't hold myself to the same unattainable standards that I did in high school. I let Him lead and prioritize my day and my life. I no longer feel an overwhelming need to be whatever everyone else wants me to be or expect everyone to be exactly like me. I only desire to be who He has called me to be and for others to be who He has called them to be. There is such freedom in that. It's a daily freedom that I hadn't experienced before fully giving my expectations, my hopes, my plans over to Him. There is a huge amount of freedom in knowing that God and I are good, even if people don't like it. It definitely prepared me for the battles of the last year and a half. It prepared me for not worrying what others think of me in a campaign. Daily going to Him for my priorities, and not worrying about the thoughts and priorities other may have of me or for me, is true freedom.
Now it will serve me well in this next phase of our journey as a BushHerd. Because so long as I am focused on Him, I will be able to take care of him and the girls, come what may! God gives us what He will get us through. We only get through it well and whole, if we allow Him to carry us through it.
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